Crime and punishment, 4 year old style
It looks like it could be a long day around the MBI Estate.
A long day filled with weeping and gnashing of teeth. And the pitiful whimpers of a little girl whose Saturday has gone down the tubes.
You see, Daughter got in trouble last night.
Turns out that over the past few months she has developed an insatiable appetite for human flesh. More specifically, her brother's flesh.
Last night, after Son pulled Daughter all the way around the inside of our house on a tiny wagon made for Playskool wood blocks (and not for preschoolers to ride), he decided he was tired of pulling. So he quit.
This apparently sent Daughter into a tailspin. So she lost it and bit him on the stomach.
Of course, we learned all of this after the fact.
When we first heard Son's screaming and ran to check on him, Daughter told us that, "Buddy bit his finger!"
Wife and I have watched enough CSI to enable us to perform a pretty sophisticated physical exam.
After looking at his finger and seeing nothing, we used our mad crime-fighting/science skillz to locate the injury.
"Where does it hurt, Buddy?" we asked.
He lifted up his shirt and he pointed to his navel. A sideways bite on the belly button.
I quickly determined that it couldn't have been a self-inflicted bite, what with it being sideways and on his stomach and all.
So as Wife scooped up the little guy to tend to his wound ("Bubby! Ow! Ow!" he whimpered), I went to work on Daughter.
As she ran for the kitchen, I snagged her and parked her on The Naughty Step in our back hall and let her simmer there for four minutes. I conferred with Wife on her punishment.
When I went back to talk to Daughter, I was unemotional and calm. Of course, ask the Wife and she'll tell you that's how I am 99.9% of the time, even when a little excitement and emotion might be in order. But I digress.
In terms of child discipline, I believe that calm and unemotional is way more creepy and intimidating to a child than loud and angry is.
So I calmly explained that Daughter had committed two serious offenses. First, she had hurt Buddy's body. Second, she lied about it.
Then, I explained that she needed to be punished for her misbehavior.
"Oookaaayyy," she said, in a puny and remorseful voice that would have easily melted a weaker man's heart.
She got a look of sincere worry on her face as I explained that she would be losing some privileges on Saturday.
"Can I get them back?" she asked.
I told her she would get all of her privileges back, provided she kept her jaws under control.
So for today, there will be no TV for her. We're also canceling a date she had with her Nana to plant flowers. And she will be staying home while Wife and Son go to a birthday party for a friend from church.
We've got to nip this biting thing in the bud, so we're hitting her where it hurts with these consequences.
Today will be a challenge for Wife and I too. Daughter is going to test us all day to see how serious we are about the punishment we've given her.
She cry. She'll whine. She'll use her best negotiation skills. And she will flip her gourd when Wife and Son trot down the street to the birthday party.
But she'll grow through this. And we will too.
A long day filled with weeping and gnashing of teeth. And the pitiful whimpers of a little girl whose Saturday has gone down the tubes.
You see, Daughter got in trouble last night.
Turns out that over the past few months she has developed an insatiable appetite for human flesh. More specifically, her brother's flesh.
Last night, after Son pulled Daughter all the way around the inside of our house on a tiny wagon made for Playskool wood blocks (and not for preschoolers to ride), he decided he was tired of pulling. So he quit.
This apparently sent Daughter into a tailspin. So she lost it and bit him on the stomach.
Of course, we learned all of this after the fact.
When we first heard Son's screaming and ran to check on him, Daughter told us that, "Buddy bit his finger!"
Wife and I have watched enough CSI to enable us to perform a pretty sophisticated physical exam.
After looking at his finger and seeing nothing, we used our mad crime-fighting/science skillz to locate the injury.
"Where does it hurt, Buddy?" we asked.
He lifted up his shirt and he pointed to his navel. A sideways bite on the belly button.
I quickly determined that it couldn't have been a self-inflicted bite, what with it being sideways and on his stomach and all.
So as Wife scooped up the little guy to tend to his wound ("Bubby! Ow! Ow!" he whimpered), I went to work on Daughter.
As she ran for the kitchen, I snagged her and parked her on The Naughty Step in our back hall and let her simmer there for four minutes. I conferred with Wife on her punishment.
When I went back to talk to Daughter, I was unemotional and calm. Of course, ask the Wife and she'll tell you that's how I am 99.9% of the time, even when a little excitement and emotion might be in order. But I digress.
In terms of child discipline, I believe that calm and unemotional is way more creepy and intimidating to a child than loud and angry is.
So I calmly explained that Daughter had committed two serious offenses. First, she had hurt Buddy's body. Second, she lied about it.
Then, I explained that she needed to be punished for her misbehavior.
"Oookaaayyy," she said, in a puny and remorseful voice that would have easily melted a weaker man's heart.
She got a look of sincere worry on her face as I explained that she would be losing some privileges on Saturday.
"Can I get them back?" she asked.
I told her she would get all of her privileges back, provided she kept her jaws under control.
So for today, there will be no TV for her. We're also canceling a date she had with her Nana to plant flowers. And she will be staying home while Wife and Son go to a birthday party for a friend from church.
We've got to nip this biting thing in the bud, so we're hitting her where it hurts with these consequences.
Today will be a challenge for Wife and I too. Daughter is going to test us all day to see how serious we are about the punishment we've given her.
She cry. She'll whine. She'll use her best negotiation skills. And she will flip her gourd when Wife and Son trot down the street to the birthday party.
But she'll grow through this. And we will too.
posted by Leighton aka MyBestInvest at
3:59 AM
10 Comments:
Good for you. Stick to your guns. I took away my boys' Zorro masks and capes and I'm not sure who has hated it more. Me or them. But they WILL NOT be allowed to torture the baby-sitter. Or play in the toilet. I have my limits.
all of the parenting books I've read (ok so the one parenting book I read) said that calm and unemotional really disappoints the kid because they want the fireworks. learning to control the fireworks has, for me, been the hardest part of parenting to date. I'm all about fireworks.
I bet the withholding of fun things for today has a huge impact on her. One day I will tell you about the time I put Elisabeth's books into timeout for 6 months for extremely egregious book behavior (and the corresponding stories she told anyone who would listen, and the disapproving looks I received). Solved the problem though.
Parenting. Don't you love it. We've even been down the road of taking ALL toys away, which was more punishment for me than the kids. They earned them back.
Edward is a biter, even kicker. At 2 he kicked a 4 yr old in the head while wearing his cowboy boots. That was a fun one to explain. He's never kicked since. Thankfully.
How was the wedding?
Emily
Biting. It's a tough one. He never did it again. I'm not sure what I would do if I were in this situation. I know that my sister bit her when he bit her hard when he was little (around 3?).
It sounds like "nipping it in the bud" was what got her into trouble in the first place ;)
The Naughty Step.
Supernanny would be so proud. :)
So how did it go? (Good for you and for your Daughter. She needs to know that you meant what you said.)
My daughter is 15, and we're still using this technique only now she loses her cellphone and iPod. Take away a teen's communication tools and electronics and you have 'em by the ying yang.
Good for you!! I know it will be/was dificult, but you will all be so much better for it in the end. Especially daughter. She will thank you later. MUCH later. ;-)
Good for you! Man, it's hard. You've encouraged me, tho'!
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